…soon they shall come with their tools, their certificates, their unchallenged expectations.
They shall probe into all the vital organs of these noisy, cuboid, dizzy constructions: brush the mouths clean from all the scum, flush out the belly and void the intestines of every last bit of foreign material.
Sounds painful? Drastic?
Perhaps, but the crying will be over; the tears shall stop flooding the two and half by two and half cell in which these metal boxes live and we shalll once again be able to hear them arguing harmoniously about which is doing the most work.
One washing machine acting up, the other potentially washing its final load…
Just something I wrote a while back and found today while cleaning up my computer:
Today may break me or make me god…and it’s about time the latter should happen. Day of birth and rebirth; I may rise above this outdated, tiny shell in which I cower like a dog with its tail between its scrawny legs, or I may become a slug and crawl around in my own disgusting slime of failure that keeps me aloft. Either way, both knobs are in my hands…by “sundown” (not very literally because there probably won’t be any sun today either) things will have slid into place with a blunt *pop* sound like that of a dislocated bone and joint being reunited.
Heart tightening, breathing arrhythmic. If it weren’t for the residue of Bremen chill that immigrated into my room and my body while my window was open, even that would be just a faint memory. I am forgetting how to feel – or did I ever even know how? Somehow I feel that there was a time when my smile was sincere, my laugh wasn’t forced, my sadness wasn’t just a voluntary creation through logical reasoning just to make me feel/look more…human…more caring (not in the sense of empathetic or sympathetic caring…more like giving a damn – the former is something many a person lacks at least partially). These days my thoughts are based on practicality…how practical is it to pursue those goals that I had once felt strongly about…that idea, that dream, that girl with that smile and that laugh?
My heart used to jump at the sight of that smile…but then the world punctured it. I do not know how it happened but I do know it is not the first time. Emotional Hemorrhages are very common. Everyone has them – some bleed quickly and recover with much the same grace and speed – others bleed slowly, die…and are reborn. I’m one of the latter. When I say reborn, it does not necessarily mean that anything would have changed or evolved through the rebirth and in fact: I had to die several times before things changed and I will die again soon.
My first non-poem-like-structured electronic entry will end here…for the moment… as my brain has chosen to desert this exercise and phase out to explore the unnamed, unseen and unheard somewhere in the depths of the universe.